I hosted the Spiritual Abuse Summit and had the privilege of interviewing 15 experts on religious trauma. I also shared my story and what I’ve learned on the journey toward healing. Spiritual abuse is a topic that so often goes unspoken, and yet its impact runs deep. My heart in speaking at this summit was to shine a light on what many have experienced in silence—and to remind you that God’s desire is for you to live in freedom, not fear.
Here is a bit of what I talk about in my session. (For full video, scroll to the end of this post.)
What Spiritual Abuse Really Is
Spiritual abuse happens when religious influence is misused to control or cause harm by using scripture or a position to control, manipulate, or cause harm to someone.
It doesn’t just wound the mind or emotions—it strikes at the very core of who we are, our meaning and purpose. This is why survivors often feel so isolated and misunderstood. Naming it for what it is can be the first step toward healing.
My Story
I shared parts of my own journey of being hurt within religious settings. For me, the healing process began when I found the courage to tell my story. Speaking it out loud was terrifying at first, but it opened the door for God to bring comfort, and for others to walk alongside me. Vulnerability can feel like weakness, but I’ve learned it’s actually the soil where strength grows.
Recognizing the Tactics
During my session, we talked about some of the common ways spiritual abuse shows up:
Gaslighting – making you doubt your own reality or memories
Grooming – gaining trust only to manipulate you later
Spiritual bypassing – using scripture or religious language to dismiss pain rather than address it
Fear – makes you feel that a terrible outcome will happen in the future if you do or say the truth
Shame – saying you didn’t just do a bad thing, but you are a bad person
Triggers – events that reactivate something traumatic from the past
Narcissism – Dan Allender defines it as, “… exhibiting a sense of entitlement in their grandiosity, exploitation in their demands, and as lacking a capacity for empathy, leaving one feeling small, exhausted, powerless, and numb, all the while working hard to stay in good graces for fear of retribution or displacement”
When you understand these tactics and how spiritual abuse shows up, you can begin to untangle what happened and realize it wasn’t your fault, you aren’t crazy, and you have valid concerns.
The Path Toward Healing
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but there are steps you can take:
Grieve honestly – allow yourself to lament what was lost and the pain you feel in the presence of God.
Seek safe people – find those who can hold space for your story without judgment; most likely not connected to the abuser.
Guard your heart – watch for bitterness or pride that can sneak in as self-protection or the temptation to think you are better than someone else.
Embrace forgiveness – not to excuse the abuser, but to release your own heart from the grip of the past. Forgiveness is one of the hardest steps, but it’s also one of the most freeing.
The Impact of Trauma
One of the things I touched on was how trauma affects the brain and nervous system. When trauma goes unhealed, your body and mind can stay “stuck” in the past, reacting as if the pain is still happening. Understanding this can be so helpful—it shows us that what you feel isn’t weakness or failure, it’s your nervous system doing what it was designed to do. And it also means healing is possible.
Why Your Voice Matters
Silence only gives more power to the abuser. Speaking up—whether that’s telling your story to a trusted friend, reporting abuse, or sharing in safe spaces—breaks the cycle. Every time you use your voice, you help bring light into darkness and create a pathway for others to step into freedom, too.
I’ll be sharing the full video of my session below so you can watch the teaching in its entirety. My prayer is that it encourages you, helps you feel less alone, and reminds you that healing is possible.
If you’ve been affected by spiritual abuse, know this: your story matters, your healing matters, and you don’t have to walk this road by yourself.
If you have been hurt by a pastor, ministry, or spiritual leader and need help processing it, please feel free to reach out and connect. You can make an appointment for Freedom Coaching®. As a certified trauma-informed coach, specializing in spiritual abuse, I will help you process your pain, hear from the Lord, and find the steps you need to take to heal. BOOK HERE
Watch my session on YouTube:
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If this topic resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to join and get the replays of The Spiritual Abuse Summit (released in September 2025). It’s a space where survivors, advocates, and experts come together to share stories, resources, and encouragement for the healing journey. You can learn more and join us at www.spiritualabusesummit.com.
If this is something you are working through, get trauma-informed coaching with me. You can book a discovery call here.
Support Jill Monaco Ministries, a 501c3 organization, by donating today. Thank you for helping us continue this important work.
Read More:
- 25 Signs of Spiritual Abuse
- Detoxing From Harvest Bible Chapel
- Healing From Church Hurt
- I Was Abused By A Priest
