“What do you want?”
I was on vacation, spending time with the Lord on one of my favorite paths by the ocean. Out of the blue, I heard God ask me to get still and listen to my own desires. Then He invited me to pray and ask Him for what I wanted. When I listed things I wanted for ministry or others …. He stopped me.
“What do YOU want for YOU?”
I was caught off guard. Shouldn’t I give up what I want for what He wants? Isn’t that the good Christian life? More of Him, less of me? Die to self? Pick up my cross and follow Him?
I realized I didn’t know what I wanted. I’d spent so much time serving others that I’d forgotten what made me happy.
I told Him, “I don’t know.” He replied, “When you do, let me know, and we will do that.”
Months went by, and as the question came up again and again, I was still drawing a blank. How could I not know what I wanted?
Things I wanted seemed shallow. Things like getting back in shape, buying a house, finding that special person to walk through life with, and taking more vacations. But they didn’t feel spiritual enough. Then I remembered Solomon… so I said, “I want wisdom!”
But God didn’t accept that answer. He kept wooing me by saying my dreams were His dreams for me. I was resisting answering His question.
I realized I’d believed some lies about receiving what I want, and those were holding me back from discovering God’s plan for my life. Because how He made me, with all my desires and preferences, is an indication of what I was created to do.
Here are four things I learned by connecting with God about my desires:
- God likes to do new things. We can’t let our past achievements or failures determine the effort we put into the new thing. God doesn’t always work the same way with everything He does. What worked for one thing may not work for the next. What didn’t work last time may work this time. We can learn from the past, but we can’t let it dictate our future. We have to take God-sized risks to see God-sized dreams come to pass.
- God works all things together for good. When I look back at the things God has done in my life, I can see how He allowed me to pour energy into something that didn’t give the return I hoped for. It was a building block, not a destination. Only later could I see the value of that season. Usually it was the character in me that was valuable, not the measurable outcome. He takes all the broken pieces and areas I’ve missed and turns them into gold. Nothing is wasted with God.
- God is a builder and knits things together. My life is proof positive that you can change careers a million times. And I’m not saying similar careers that transition well. I was a full-time professional actress/singer/dancer for decades before being saved. Then a worship leader, executive assistant, director of an artist program, talent agent … I was tired of completely dumping what I was doing and starting over from scratch with a new career. I was keenly aware that others have been working in their field for decades and that wasn’t my story. But I come in with things they don’t because I’ve been exposed to different things. That adds value to the new thing.
- God is a good Father and has great plans for us. The enemy wants to tell us we won’t achieve our dreams because of our lack of skills, resources, or network. That is just a big fat lie! God puts dreams in our hearts and only asks us to prayerfully take one step at a time closer to it.
Since praying this prayer back in 2012, I’ve started my own nonprofit ministry and stayed in the same field! I’ve added to my skill set and adjusted the ministry’s focus a few times. But God gave me what I desired!
When we walk with God and let Him speak to our desires, we can trust Him as we try new things. Because we have a history of His presence, not our successes. When we talk to God, we need to ask and believe for our dreams.
I know where I want to end up and need His wisdom on how to get there. I don’t know what the entire path looks like, but after meeting with Him, I know the first step. I am happy to keep trying as long as He is with me.
When I fail, I know His love.
When I succeed, I give Him the glory and praise.
It’s a win either way.
